From finding out you are being cheated on to being ghosted, all breakups can be gut-wrenching.
But how you cope with a breakup depends entirely on the terms with which you and your partner parted ways.
There are cases where it’s as easy as having a mature conversation and saying “goodbyes”. A few breakups can be devoid of drama.
However, most break-ups are rarely ever trouble-free and though we all may have experienced a breakup at a point in our lives, they are no less unique than the relationships themselves. There are several other ways in which you can free yourself from a partner without triggering a barrel of distress and anguish.
So, what are these ways? And how can one equip himself with the emotional tools to overcome a relationship breakup?
Dating experts have revealed some of these instances and how to deal with them.
Instance 1: Someone did something awful
In some instances, breakups are obvious and necessary. For example, cheating and emotional or physical abuse.
These circumstances warrant a clear-cut conclusion. The best thing to do is to get the hell out of there and never look back.
Although, walking away is not always that easy. But you must understand that you are not responsible for your partners’ behavior. You only have control over your own end of the relationship and not theirs.
Dating coach Jo Barnett as quoted in The Independent says:
“Don’t blame yourself, but do distance yourself, say what you need to say and then completely break away, delete all contacts and make it clear that they are not to stay in touch.”
Psychologist Madeleine Mason Roantree, director of relationship psychology services at Vida Consultancy Ltd, adds that having a clean break is a key to surviving a breakup.
“Once you have broken up, it’s probably a good idea to spend some time to lick your wounds as it were, before embarking on a new relationship,
“Don’t jump on the next dating app, instead make an additional effort to be kind to yourself and do nice things.”
Instance 2: Breakups that come as a surprise
They don’t give you a reason at all. In a moment you are both heads over heels in love, the next moment, they call it quits. They don’t give you a reason and when they eventually do, it isn’t quantifiable to the intensity of a breakup. You’ve got all your Valentines day perfectly planned. You’ve cooked for her, rented a vintage-car, booked the most expensive hotel and got a pair of tickets for the best movie showing at the theatre. But just as you are about to kick the ball rolling, they say ‘its over’. They tell you it’s none of your faults, and this feels so mind-shattering. You spend the rest of the week lost in thought, wondering what could have possibly gone wrong.
“While this is upsetting news, at least you know that you needn’t spend any more time worrying whether to invest in the relationship or not,” says Mason.
You most definitely will feel crushed and devastated but you must take some time out to reflect on what happened, get your tools together and move on!
Find ways to get yourself back on track. Crawl if you can and learn to walk again if that’s what it’s going to take.
Instance 3: Harmonious and mutual breakups
You both knew from the start that it wasn’t meant to be. It was just a fling or after a while, you both lost the music. There are times love fades into boredom. You both don’t foresee a future with each other so you just decide at about the same time to move on with your separate lives. Relationship experts refer to this type of breakup as the unicorn of all breakups.
It is so rare to come by in the real relationship world but it really does exist.
After a mature conversation, both parties decide to call it quits even going as far as saying “I like you very much but we are just not our types” “I understand what you are saying, I feel the same way too”.
This is not really a breakup in the real sense so to speak as it ends with a drink, a smile, and even a kiss.
“Mutually amicable break-ups are the most desirable if things really aren’t meant to be,” explains Mason.
Nonetheless, there are some factors worth considering too, do you both feel comfortable moving straight into friends mode? And if so, how often do you think you should see each other after the breakup.
If you can still hold an open Conversation about all these things, your breakup may be seamless after all.
Instance 4: Breakups where you get ghosted
When you first met, it was love at first sight. Subsequently, you both kept holding hands and kissing in public, talking about the future and confessing how much you love each other. One moment you are a lovey-dovey couple, the next moment you are getting the dreaded one tick on WhatsApp — meaning you have been blocked. Initially, you mistook it for ‘love till death’, but your partner was only having a field day. All they wanted was ‘fun for the night’.
When this happens, you need to begin the exorcism, because you’ve just been ghosted.
“Experiencing a break-up via ghosting is a very emotionally painful experience,” Mason explains.
“Being left without closure or warning leaves you in turmoil. Humans don’t deal well with uncertainty, and not knowing what happened and why inflicts pain.”
In this instance, Mason suggests calling in for support from your closest friends or family members and, depending on how distraught you feel, seeking professional help.
“Ultimately, it’s about processing the sudden loss and making sense of how to move on.”
Instance 5: Breakups you don’t know even happened
You are already braced up to the fact that it isn’t going anywhere. There is no love lost, but it isn’t just working. If you can effectively make sense of things, this is the easiest breakup to deal with.
It is better not to kid yourself that you can make it work when clearly both of you are ready for the relationship to come to an end.
The best way to deal with this situation is to face the bull and take it by the horn. Don’t wait for your partner to call it off, be the first to let them know that your relationship is not making any progress and ending it is the best thing to do.
Instance 6: The breakup that isn’t really a break-up
This is one of the most toxic types of a breakup. The relationship often begins with a break and ends with a break. You’ve broken up and made up as many times as you have opted to part ways. To a point, all of your friends are tired of your unflinching melodrama.
If you both have tried so hard but it’s just not working, the best you can do is to call it quits.