A larger proportion of Nigerian women would rather endure abusive relationships than date broke men. I have lived long enough in Nigeria and counseled many couples to know for sure that this is not just an assertion but a fact.
Nigerian singer, Praiz recently asked on Twitter “why Nigerian women rather choose to endure abuse than to date a man who is broke”. The question triggered another round of debate on the extent of money’s impact on relationships, especially in developing countries.
Why is it so hard for women to just leave abusive relationships but so easy for them to dump broke men?
Why do most women choose to endure abuse for a long time but most are quick to opt out of the relationship when it has to do with financial difficulties?
These questions generated tons of responses in no time, and surprisingly, the presumption went largely unchallenged. Many responders focused on the ‘why’ and not the veracity of the presumption itself.
Perhaps this may be because it is more common in Nigeria to see women dump men because of financial difficulties than because of abuse.
Abuse and financial difficulties are undoubtedly the major problems plaguing Nigerian relationships and marriages.
But really, do Nigerian women prefer abusive rich men to broke good guys?
Another worrisome fact is, a large number of romantic relationships in Nigeria are transactional in nature.
A research conducted by the University of Ibadan in 2012 found that Aristocratic’ transactional relationships are widespread in Nigerian universities.
It was suggested that the reason why such relationships are becoming more common is the Nigerian culture that positively sanctions repressive sexual activities among single unmarried adolescents until the wedding night
People go into relationships for a whole lot of other reasons; financial and other forms of material gain.
They pretend for as long as possible, keeping their end of the bargain by giving sex, offering love, affection and other vital things all relationships need to survive.
Making the maxim “no money, no love” to seem to be true, after all.
Here are some of the responses below
@Clement_ZIIM. “We shouldn’t forget the cultural forces that keep women in these abusive relationships, the women who stay for the kids,& those who are so mentally abused they now think it’s their fault that they are being abused”.
@sigfriend says “It is sweeter to cry in First Class to Dubai, than sing while carrying basin from the stream.”
@Petrockleo “Women of nowadays don’t actually classify love by how well you care for them but by how much you spend on them”
And Jennifer Aifee sums it all up. “It’s just the money they’re after… A friend of mine once said that it’s better you stay with a violent wealthy man than with a broke guy,”
The last response by Jenniffer perfectly answers the question. Most of the responses on the thread flow along a trend of the pleasure and comfort money bring in relationships.
A woman going through abuse may lose her confidence and self-worth. She may develop this fear; which arises from her constant tormenting with doubts.
They doubt if they would be fine on their own if they would be able to fend for themselves and keep up the same standard of living if they do the needful by dumping the abuser.
The mental and manipulative ways abusers use to cajole their victims also makes it difficult for women to make a decision to quit such relationships.
However, not all Nigerian women date for financial security though. Quite a number only need a stable relationship to complement their emotional needs. But the assumption that broke guys are not abusers seems false. And there is a limit any woman can endure a relationship going through financial difficulties, and at the same time abuse.