Love is not all that is needed for a relationships’ survival. Sometimes, relationships may break up when there is still much love shared between the parties. If this is the case, a breakup can be so hurtful. It may feel like the end of the world.
But here is the good news, the pain wouldn’t last forever. You will get over it sooner than you think and you will fall in love again and again.
We can actually train our minds to make getting over an ex a pain-free process
A research published in The Journal of Positive Psychology says it will take as much as 11 weeks to feel better after we get ditched. However, a separate study found that for some cases,-like marriage, it takes up to 18months to heal completely.
Heartbreaks are more like a grieving process. And depending on your personality, everyone experiences a heartbreak in a different way.
After any relationship, we are not only left to deal with our emotional luggage but also, sweet memories and unexplored fantasies. This usually results in self-blame and regret.
There is no set time limit for healing. Factors such as the length of the relationship, shared experiences or memories, the depth of emotional bond, whether you had children, and the extent of betrayal all play a part in the healing process.
A break-up can also be felt more if you never wanted the relationship to end.
Humans are social beings. We love to form relationships, fall in love and care for each other. And as much as people fall in love so often, that’s also how many others also experience a sting of heartbreak.
The ill-feeling of devastation experienced after a breakup is only natural, and expected. People even feel heartbroken at the initial stages of getting over a toxic relationship. After all, it is said that “love is blind” and it has the ability to make people overlook their partner’s flaws.
This seems like a truism especially at the end of a relationship, bad memories become overshadowed by good ones — making us want to blame ourselves. We begin to question our decision to break up in the first place, forgetting that the fault isn’t entirely ours.
Heartbreaks, like any other wounds, can heal — with the right dose of self-love, self-care, and a positive outlook – and an overwhelming wanting to move on.
Relationship experts have revealed some steps we can take to help us get over someone after a heartbreak.
Find time to grieve
Breaking up with a significant other can be as painful as losing them by death. Having to live without someone you have greatly depended upon in the past initially seems impossibly daunting.
While we may feel tempted to act normal with people and keep busy with other things to fast-forward through this period of sadness, our minds still need a grieving period to process what has happened. It is important that you come to terms with your new reality and accept it so that you can move on.
During this period of grieving, a person going through a heartbreak can reflect on the relationship and their own behavior.
Rather than pretending and suppressing your feelings, allowing yourself to feel them is integral to the healing process.
By reflecting on your past relationship and what led to your break-up, you may learn a thing or two about yourself and what you want out of your future relationships.
Pick back your broken pieces
After a breakup, you must readjust your focus from “we” to “me” or “I.” Breakups offer a unique opportunity – to take stock of where you are in life, and what you intend to do next. The end of a relationship offers you the chance to pick up all your pieces and reconnect with yourself. You may decide to take up a new job or reunite with old-time friends.
Take time to do things that make you feel good and special about yourself.
With this focus on yourself, you can go into your next relationship with a renewed sense of self-awareness. Do not rush into a new relationship. Rather focus on getting yourself back together.
Don’t feel shy to talk about it
Rarely do any two persons come to the decision to end a relationship at the same time.
When one party all of a sudden decides to quit, the other receives the news with surprise or shock — which in turn extends the grieving process. In addition, one partner may feel apparently rejected when the other party all of a sudden decides to quit the relationship.
It is very normal to feel rejected and question your self-worth if the end of your relationship came as a bombshell. However, if your partner has made it distinctively clear that they no longer want the relationship, and that there is no possibility of reconciliation – the best you can do is to accept this fact and move on.
Just because you got ditched doesn’t mean you are unlovable or unworthy of love. You must come to terms that the fault may not be entirely yours. Rather than blame yourself, focus your energy on what you think can make you feel better.
Talking helps – but make sure to set limits with your friends and family about what you feel comfortable discussing.
While you may feel the need to talk about your ex, you may not be entirely comfortable hearing anyone talk badly about them or your relationship.
You can also decide to get rid of the physical reminders of your relationship. It is okay to discard all the stuff about your ex that only triggers your pain.
If you think blocking your ex on social media will make you feel better, then it is the right thing to do – as limiting our exposure can help keep our minds off the pain.
Also, if you have things you want to return to your ex, you can have a friend deliver them for you. This will ease some of the pressures and sadness you are likely to feel when you see them.
Be patient, time heals it all
Initially, the pain is most intense a few days after a breakup. But as time elapses, these feelings of hurt and betrayal seems to be lessening.
The pain you feel on day one cannot be compared to after some weeks, months or years from then. After a while, thinking of that person won’t cause fresh feelings of sadness and hurt to bubble up.
In spite of the fact that “time healing” is relative to each relationship, getting past these negative feelings is the most integral part of the healing process.
Nonetheless, if these negative feelings aren’t healing in time, then there arises a need to seek professional help in dealing with these emotions. Negative thoughts can be mentally damaging. Creating a positive mindset is crucial at this stage.
Teach yourself to love again
The first few weeks and months after a breakup are the hardest to endure. understanding this is important. There will be times you experience extreme moments of sadness and nostalgia. But as much as you remind yourself that the end of the relationship wasn’t entirely your fault, this too will pass.
Do not place the entire blame on yourself. Instead, try to do a thorough reflection on what you could have done differently. If a relationship involves two persons, then why should a breakup be blamed on one person.
Let go the negative thoughts and focus on the positives. Do away with the past. Realize that you have a robust future ahead of you and start the walk. Do all these, and when you find love again, it will feel different this time, and better.