At the start of every relationship there are always certain Dos and Don’ts that have to be strictly adhered to.
Let’s say it as it is: First you meet someone and develop a liking for them. Then you get on talking. As you interact further, the agonizing question “what are we? or what am I to you?” will eventually arise. Now you are confounded with the stress and anxiety of getting to meet his or her friends, having to share your time and walk with utmost comportment to impress your new found love. And it goes on and on till you cannot hold it any longer. Overwhelmed with deep attraction, at a point, you can’t help but cut her in the middle of a phrase with a kiss and effortlessly utter the words “I love you“
There wouldn’t be any qualms if it is just a one night stand or a fling and you both know it will end soon. But, if what you dream of is a relationship that will evolve into a long-term commitment, then there are certain Dos and Don’ts that you must follow. And we are going to take this space and time to discuss a few of them.
1. Don’t worry about labels
In the beginning, there is usually a lingering ambiguity as to what you both are. You wouldn’t be so sure as to what title to use in addressing your partner because really you are both yet to set boundaries and clearly define the type of union you are in, or about getting into. So, if you’re not sure what title to bestow upon him, remove all awkwardness and wordiness, and stick with his name.
Don’t “honey” “sweetheart” or “babe” them – not unless you are a hundred percent sure that is what they are to you. It is a lot simpler when you call him or her by their names–until you get it all figured out.
2. Don’t rush
Take as much of your time as you can to get to know your new partner. For the first few weeks, talking or chatting is enough. As much as it may feel tempting to spend every minute together, go for a kiss or start cuddling up, it is important to exercise some restraint. If you take things too rough and too fast, a time will come when you or your partner may feel like the mystery is gone and the once shared love is no more. Sometimes, you just need to retain your own space just to keep the candle burning for a while longer.
3. Don’t be in a hurry to meet their family
Don’t even think of asking the question “when will I get to meet your family?”, it sounds too downright desperate. Don’t wait for him or her to invite you to meet her family either. Instead, take the bull by the horn, and do it yourself. Here is the easiest way to kill two birds with one stone; invite her to a well-populated family or wedding party–so that all attention will not be focused on you both. And when the crowd might have dispersed, you can then steal the moment and arrange for your partner to get more familiar with your family. All depending on how well you succeed in doing this, there wouldn’t be any further need for formal introductions.
4. Learn how to manage your time effectively
Wendy Atterberry, relationship advice columnist for dearwendy.com suggests a 50-30-20 time sharing rule. Spend no more than 50 percent of your time with your partner, 30 percent with friends and family and 20 percent alone with yourself. However, you choose to spend your time, learn to manage it as efficiently as possible in such a way that your schedules wouldn’t be conflicting all the time. Zealously protect your identity and don’t alienate your friends, whether good or bad, they are the ones who have got your back. Another way to keep the fire burning in your relationship is to make your partner want a little more of you than they can possibly have.
5. Text less, talk more, touch most
Try as much as you can to meet often and communicate on a one on one basis. DON’T rely on the use of texting to discuss serious issues in your relationship. Yeah, you can keep in touch, check out on each other through texting but never rely solely on texting as your main medium of communication. If you are too busy or indisposed to meet face to face, it is much better to put a call through. But when you don’t feel like meeting your partner too often, then you are most definitely dating the wrong person or you aren’t ready for a commitment yet.
6. Do stay true to yourself
Keep up with your values, never compromise, be that person you want to be. Don’t push yourself too much to impress your boyfriend. There is no doubt that compromise can be awesome, but giving in on issues too early in your relationship sets a bad precedent for future dealings.
7. Never compare your new girlfriend with your ex
There are certain standards we all may likely rely upon to judge our relationships–which make Internal comparisons are unavoidable. But telling me how much better I am in bed than he is can even be risky, not to talk of how much worse I am. Don’t play around with such comparisons. You want to compare, do it solo within your mind, you don’t need to say everything out loud. It is so much riskier.
8. Don’t pretend your relationship is something more than it really is
There is nothing wrong with having a fling or being a booty call, pretending to be lovers or being just friends with benefits — if that is what you want. However, expecting more after knowing well what your role is, may end in disappointment. Don’t expend too much energy trying to work your way up and make them fall for you. If she was really in love with you, she’d treat you like a boyfriend. If he wanted to date you, he’d be taking you out on romantic dates and treating you like his girlfriend too. You may decide to stay with them if that is what you want too but always keep that delicate part of yourself for the real deal when it eventually comes.
9. Let them know your boundaries
Don’t keep mute, be vocal enough to let them know what you like and what you dislike. Starting from the kitchen, the living room and even the bedroom, learn to speak your mind. Every person has peculiar individual characteristics and preferences, you shouldn’t be an exception. Be sure to let them know clearly what yours are. If you’re uncomfortable with holding hands and public show of affection, just make sure that your girlfriend doesn’t mistake that for a lack of interest in her.
10. Don’t let anything compromise your Independence and happiness
Sometimes, love can be a dangerous thing. When we fall so deeply in love, we may lose bits of ourselves, we may surrender a part of our soul and independence to our partner. This may not in its entirety be a bad thing, but surrendering a whole of yourself to your boyfriend isn’t such a good thing either. Don’t rely on him—or anyone—for your happiness. Always remember how good your life was before you met them. Yes, it is true that you love them so much and you are ready to do anything to please them, but you must keep that within the limits of your own happiness. You and your partner may not be together forever but you will most definitely be with yourself till the end.