RELATIONSHIP

WHY IS HE AFFECTIONATE ONE MOMENT, DISTANT THE NEXT

Written by chofam

Have you ever noticed certain drastic changes in your boyfriend’s emotional state? One moment he appears so affectionate and the next moment he becomes distant or moody. This attitude can spawn a huge burden of frustration and self-inflicted guilt — which may lead to anger and resentment in your relationship. It’s such a tough moment trying to battle with the mind-creeping thoughts about things you may have said or done that resulted in his recent mood swing — especially if you cannot place exactly what you have done wrong. And you may be pushed to start thinking his feelings for you have changed.

Take a pause there girl, ride slow with that thought. It will be a lot easier to handle if you are able to identify the root cause of his behavioral mood swings. It is only if you have a proper understanding of what is triggering this attitude that you can be forearmed to tackle it headlong.

MAN, WOMAN; WE ARE DIFFERENT

The response you get from your boyfriend when he is stressed could be a lot different from how you react when under severe stress. Research reveals that most men respond to stress by shutting down. Have you tried thinking of how you respond to stress as a lady? A woman’s response takes a diminishing stress pattern which may stretch from reaching out to link with friends to near fainting. Contrastingly, men are likely to turn off and shut down in order to process stress. Your boyfriend appearing a little distant from you could be that he is trying to process the much stress which is new to him at work, school or within his environment.

HE NEEDS YOU TO BE THE MOTHER

Being apart from you, he may struggle to let you into the deepest part of his mind; especially if his worry has something to do with your relationship with him. It may, however, be easy for you to discuss issues in your relationship, but it’s often different for your boyfriend. Relationship expert Shawn Smith gives more insight in the article “five reasons why men go silent and what to do about it” published by “Psychology today”

Early in social development, women learn how to talk more about relationships and problems surrounding it than men do, and that is a disadvantage to the men.

Let’s consider a possible outcome in a situation where you and your boyfriend don’t agree. It may be because his openness and readiness to discuss his concerns with you often brings about new criticisms and judgment which posses more problems for him. If this happens very often, your boyfriend may conclude that his best bet is an offer of silence.

Present an open, non-judgemental tone when your boyfriend seems to be distant from you, and give him no reason to feel defensive. Resist the temptation to remind him of past problems, and try to let him focus on the current issues. He will eventually learn to start speaking up if you assure him with your attitude by not verbalizing any negative comments.

REALIZE IT’S ABOUT HIM

“Remind yourself that moods are much like the weather. In other words, your boyfriend’s distant mood is likely to change and it’s not about you” advises Alex Lickerman a physician in the article “How to manage your partner’s bad moods”. If his aloof manner affects your own good mood, plan ahead of time how you will respond to minimize its negative effect on you. Spend some quality time with a good friend, reading books or playing games.

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chofam

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