DIARIES

MY BOYFRIEND USED TO SOUND SO ROMANTIC ON THE PHONE BUT NOT ANYMORE

Dear Editor. Please post my story. Am in a dilemma as I type this, I don’t know what to do.

I have been in a relationship with Stanley my boyfriend for about two years now. We met on campus, I was a freshman while he was in his final year. We became good friends but only started dating a few months before he graduated and moved to Cambridge for his masters degree. While he was away, we constantly kept in touch and even the distance meant nothing to the both of us. I had no doubt that we were perfectly made for each other.

In truth, it was a sort of long distance relationship but I felt him so close. There was hardly a day that we didn’t communicate. His sweet words made me dream of him every night. I so dearly loved him (and I still do) but there is just one problem am having, my so romantic boyfriend is changed now.

My boyfriend is not just romantic

Stanley hardly ever gives me a hug, opens the car door for me, kisses publicly or tells me he loves me. He’s just too blunt for my liking. He’d just call and go straight to the point, no baby talk. Although he has never shouted or lifted a finger at me but sometimes am scared that he may do it some day. I feel like I don’t know him anymore. Am the only one bringing up new ideas and spicing our love life, he just follows my lead. Sometimes I don’t even know if I make him happy

Upon the lot, I still love him. He’s really kind, handsome and nice but I cannot shove off the feeling that there is another side to him I hardly know. What do I do?


My take

There are some vital details (like age and occupation) you have skipped while narrating your story but I will outline a few points that can be of help to you.

First, you must understand that some men are a kind of ‘too goal oriented’. He very likely sees a relationship as one goal he hopes to achieve and when he finally does, he will probably shift his focus to other tasks he aims at accomplishing.

Secondly, you must look at the duration of time you both dated before he traveled out of the country. The span was too short and I don’t think you got to know his actual temperament before he left. It is very likely that he is a kind of shy or reserved choleric personality while you are more of a melancholic. (Read more about temperament). Cholerics are usually goal oriented, bluntly straightforward, not very social and have no time for petty talk. They dislike small talk as opposed to deep and meaningful conversations. If that’s the case, then it is just his nature and you will have to either learn to live with it or devise ways to teach him to be more social and romantic. Make him feel more comfortable around you, this in turn would make him more vocal and expressive. Spend more time together and try to engage him in conversations that you deem important to him.

Most women I have had conversations with have complained that their men are not as verbal or outspoken as they love them to be (especially when showing affection). What you should be more focused on is not if your man tells you how much he loves you every minute but in finding out if he actually does love you. This to me should be the most important thing for you. If it’s certain that you both love each other, then you’ll have no problem working it out.