Disagreements arise so that we can better understand ourselves

She wants three kids but you are content with your first. He prefers you both use your joint savings to get a better car but all you have ever dreamed of is owning a house of your own. It may not be a factor that big. Most times, it’s the minute – insignificant things that even cause the most fights. All these would never arise if both partners learn to understand each other better. In every relationship, disagreements abound but these disagreements are always settled with understanding.


Understanding is the most important factor necessary for the survival of any relationship. It is quite clear that love and understanding are closely linked. It’s hard to claim to love someone if you do not understand them to an extent.

He who loves understands, and he who understands loves. One who feels understood feels loved, and one who feels loved feels sure of being understood.

So enough of the ‘shift blame game’. Instead of complaining why your partner finds it difficult to understand you, why not learn to understand them more. When you better understand your partner, it creates more room for love, forgiveness and prevents resentment in your relationship (read, forgiveness is the key to overcoming resentment in relationships). They in turn also learn from you. In the end, your love for each other is strengthened and your relationship grows.

Here are some things you should do more to better understand your partner.


1. Give them a listening ear

Always listen attentively to whatever he or she says. And not just the physical ears, open your mind and be attentive to their nonverbal expressions.

2. Speak and engage with them

It should not stop at listening, you ain’t dumb, so you should also learn to say what you feel. When you don’t say anything at all, your partner may likely misinterpret your silence to mean something else – which may not even be the case. Speak or communicate non-verbally with them too. This is the only way to prove to them that you were listening all the while.

3. Learn their body language

You shouldn’t be asking too many questions all the time. Their body language should be enough for you to know their mood and what exactly to say or do to make them feel better – when they are sad.

4. Study his or her intonation

Its not just about the words, each tone has its different meaning. Rising, falling or mid level intonations could say several different things about your partner’s mood. Study your partner’s peculiar intonation to understand them better.

5. Focus more on Watching them act

Sometimes its good to just keep mum and watch. Never so a word, observe your partner and see how they think and act.

6. Subscribe to relationship blogs and read more books about people and relationships

Relationship discussions with others opens up arguments, more insights and enables you to see other people’s perspectives thereby giving you more in-depth knowledge about other people and relationships.

7. Ask lots of questions

When you are not so sure, ASK, never work on assumptions. What you think is only an OPINION, not a fact. It may or may not be the case. You cannot tell for sure so don’t feel too smart to ask questions, it saves a lot of trouble.

8. Pay attention to the smallest of details

So many little details go unnoticed by you. In order for you to understand your partner better, you should start taking note of every thing about them.

9. Follow him or her on social media (facebook, Twitter, quora, instagram, Google plus, etc)

Sometimes I read updates of people I know on social media and am wondering if they are actually the people I really know. Social media shows an entirely different side of a person’s personality. Follow your partner’s social media channels to better understand this part of them they have kept secret.

10. Spend quality time with them

Take a long evening walk or have dinner together in a place with less distraction, cuddle up, kiss more and do more of the things you both enjoy doing. If possible travel together and visit new places.

11. Never break their flow of thoughts

Let him/her think independently and come up with decisions on their own. Don’t interfere indiscriminately on their line of thoughts. It is by so doing that you can better understand their inner nature and how they think.

12. Don’t be so quick to judge them

Hold your verdict till you are quite certain. Don’t be led-on by momentary impulses. Give them enough time to prove you right or wrong.

13. Be patient with your partner

Sometimes, a person you are in a relationship with may be going through quite a tough time and you may not have the slightest clue. But tough times don’t really last if they are strong enough to get over it. Give them time, be patient with them and soon you will see an improvement.

14. Use imagination to Place yourself in their shoes

Ask yourself. How would you have felt if you were them? Don’t be so self-absorbed. Always think from both ends – yours and your partner’s. Try to see every situation from their angle.

15. Be interested in them

Getting your partner to be more interested in you seems a lot easier if you become more genuinely interested in them. The keyword here is “genuine”. Don’t fake it. You can work on this by opening yourself to listen and assimilate what they say more.