Could it be Infatuation, love, s3xual attraction, a feeling of deep connection or whatever name you choose to call it? There is no denying the fact that having deep feelings could be sometimes hurtful but still feels good. Falling in love for the first time is an experience that cannot be compared to any other. Even as love seems so hard to come by these days, very many young people can still attest to this fact
The intensity of the feelings associated with falling in love for the first time as you may have felt is indescribable, If you can recall what i mean. In a second, it felt so good and then you got hurt. It felt much like pure love and pain always go together. The pain was unexplainable. Sometimes I think about it and really wonder why I could not sleep, think properly or eat. My heart would beat so fast and skip by the mere thought of her. I was so blown by the wind of love encapsulated in pain. I ended heartbroken and devastated to a point of regret and deep hatred for myself. But I wasn’t the first, a lot of people have had similar experiences and much more will still encounter love and heartbreaks one more time, as I did over and over again. Falling in love is more like a continuous experience as long as you live.
The pain that comes with love and heartbreaks could be either negative or positive:
You will find it difficult sleeping, socializing, planning, working and most times eating because surely you will really feel like the world will come to an end. Doubt’s accompanied with anxiety plus a bunch of other destructive thoughts that could subdue and make life difficult for you will be evident.
The destructive feeling won’t last forever, it will go away: not soon and it won’t be easy. There shall come a day in that period of difficulty when you will pickup all the broken pieces of yourself and fix you back in whole. You would get up and certainly love again. Its worth it.
The most important question on your mind should be;
Can I love again?
In an attempt to answer that question, here are a few tips to guide you through to loving again;
IT’S BEYOND HUMAN CONTROL
Have you thought of why this enjoyable/painful experience is called “falling in love”? I’m going to assume you haven’t but if you have, you are one step to getting over your pain. The reason we use the the phrase “falling in love” is because it goes way beyond our absolute control; you never chose to love him/ her but you kept an open heart and got cut up during the process. You can fall in love again because that’s what it is “falling”. It perhaps will take a long time since your first fall hurts. The pain and scars of a heartbreak tends to make you harden your trust but you should understand that it’s all a part of you. You are designed to fall in love with someone whether you like it or not.
THE DECISION NOT TO LOVE AGAIN MIGHT RUIN YOU
No one says it’s a must that when you decide to say goodbye to “falling in love”, your life will be ruined but it all hovers around how you go about it. If you have made up mind never to fall in love again, you have closed the door to trusting people and opened another to hate and suspicion in your life, which after a long run will take you to a destructive destination. This is because you will hate people even before you meet them and also deny yourself the opportunity to be cared for and be happy. Yes, the first cut might be the deepest but who says the second would go deeper? Life is a continuous process and no one knows how tomorrow will turn out to be. Never try to predetermine the end of any process before it begins
QUIT THINKING TOO MUCH
Thinking is a part of every living being and without it; we’l be no different from other animals in the wild. For the purpose of this topic I’l say thinking may come in two different forms; destructive and constructive. While constructive thinking is likened to the great innovators and creative ideas that have made life worth living, a destructive thought always result from pains, heartbreaks and all the very many issues associated with “falling in love”.
Thinking too much after your relationship has crashed will do you no better. Why waste so much time thinking about the past that you have already learned your lessons from? Thinking so much is like living in the past which results to pessimism of the future. It saps out your energy and destines your new relationships to go the same way.
Thinking accustomed by regrets after a relationship breakup may take these forms:
What if’s and why’s
You’l keep asking yourself questions which would lead to other questions and many other questions that I’m so sure you cannot find answers to. Questions like;
What if I hadn’’t loved him too much…
What if I didn’t let him in…
What if I didn’t support him..
Does it mean I was too nice…
So this is it….After all my sacrifices….
Why did it have to be me…
Why didn’t I see it coming…
You can add a truck-load of others to the list. These questions can go on and on until your life crashes! Quit thinking too much and try as hard to understand that this is what life is all about. One day in the future you will be looking back and who knows you can end up feeling grateful for this circumstance!
QUIT LISTENING TO SAD/ HEARTBROKEN SONGS
There is not much to say about sad musicals during times of pains and hurt like this. Sad sounds and tunes helps deepen your sore wound and makes you remain sore. This not what you need at this time if you really want to get over it and move on. Sad songs during a failed relationship keep you feeling the hurt and pain of your failed love over and over again. Now, If a sad song can do this volume of damage, you should consider listening to joyful musicals and see the magic that goes with it.
KNOW YOU ARE ENOUGH
Trust me, in a very deep level, we all crave for connection and intimacy and to achieve what we crave for demands that we maintain an open heart, somewhere along the line, a serious and deep hurt is felt causing us to make that decision of never loving or being loved again. During these dark times, we build walls and close all possible doors to our heart leaving us with a life of absolute quietness, isolation, desperation and silence. This more often than not makes us insensitive to people and things that we once derived so much joy from. You may not have known this before now but you should understand that “though imperfect, you are self-content”. You alone are enough to make yourself happy and live a wonderful life only if you have the capability to understand this. Having known how powerful you are, two choices are open to you;
i. Continue to live a lone life filled with desperation and fear.
ii. Open the doors to your heart and learn to love again. Taking this option demands that you wholly understand that life will be easier if you take a safer route as you play the game of love because by letting yourself love and be loved, you are going to be vulnerable to trust, hurt, pains and rejection since you’l keep an open heart. This option seems better because it is the basis of the life we live.
FOCUS MORE ON WHAT MATTERS
Before the whole love and relationship thing overtook you, you had a life…a supposed great life. when you were probably happy, simple, dedicated and appreciative of the little things around you. Try letting the thoughts of your hurt be. And allow “more important” things like academics, job, family, friends and other things or places that made you happy. I’m not saying a fall back to where you were is going to be that easy but a trial will tell more about how productive the route might be. When you take this step, you will see yourself learning again (but this time it will take a different dimension). Things you missed and cared so much about will all start coming back to you. Here, you will understand “there is more to life than falling in love”.
Of all the great things we are blessed with, falling in love is one out of a multitude. When you realize this, you will learn to love again but this time better.
CONSIDER YOUR HEARTBREAK AN OPPORTUNITY
As the saying goes ‘every disappointment is a blessing’; I implore you to see your hurtful situation as an opportunity. One of immeasurable importance, as you could explore other possibilities of life with all you have learnt from your failed relationship or several love attempts rather than limiting your focus, thoughts and energy to one focal point. There is this saying that ‘when one door closes, many other doors are opened’ however, you can only see these doors when you have an already made up mind to see them. Trust that mistake is a necessity in falling in love. When you are unable to achieve your desired goal in a process while adhering to a given method, you haven’t failed but have learnt a method never to follow when next you are in a new relationship. Assuming your relationship failed as a result of your actions or in-actions, the error will definitely be corrected in your next relationship.