What makes a woman to start nagging? Falling in love with someone means very little in our African society, especially for those who have little finances. Getting married is a different play entirely. Marriage here can never be devoid of problems. Being married to someone may infer being married to the person’s entire extended Family, friends and lifestyle. Beginning from the introduction, traditional marriage ceremony, payment of bride-price and wedding proper. The in-laws and friends must be fully satisfied. The couples are stressed to the limits, many do not even dare to attempt having s3x the first day after, So they say.
After marriage, the in-laws still have powers to follow up and make judgements where necessary. Mother in-law wants a male grandchild, or two. Some even go to to extent of dictating how many grandchildren they want and when their daughter-in-law is to get pregnant. Many marriages today are endured rather than enjoyed.
Coupled with children, career and other economic struggles, women who are expected to be home keepers face more of the challenge. Soon enough, even the calmest of women become loudly-outspoken. At every little instance, they bicker and complain, many times to ease their emotional burdens.
According to psychologists, there is more to a woman’s nagging than just getting on a guy’s nerves. It is very common knowledge that women nag much more than men. This has made it seem as if it is the nature of women to nag, no matter what. Most times nagged men choose to stay out longer away from their nagging wives. They seldom understand that nagging is a summed-up reactive response to what is happening around her.
Women only begin to nag as they get older and are gradually being overwhelmed with problems and emotional stress. A nagging woman very often does not realise she is doing just that. To her, she’s only trying to communicate to you so why not just listen and try to grasp the message else she keeps talking till you understand her. Truth is, it never gets better. Gradually, the words increase as she tries painstakingly to communicate and you are still not getting it, until it becomes a habitual way of communication. At this stage, she cares no more if you listen or understand what she’s trying to say.
She complains over menial issues and you keep wondering why, never realising the habit had started a long time ago. This is also where many men tend to get it all wrong. She may be trying to say something different by complaining about something else, that may not be even related a bit to what she intends to communicate to you. An article I read a while ago by “The modern Man” describes it all.
“In a nutshell, women nag in an effort to express their needs in a relationship. Unlike men, women don’t come straight out with what it is they want, they want the man they’re in a relationship with to know what they want without them having to spell it out”.
There are whole lot of different reasons why women nag but one main factor underlies in all, poor effective communication. Most of the time the blame is placed on what their man did or failed to do, needs that are not satisfied which the men are unaware of and the women failed to communicate properly.
To cope with a nagging spouse, you have to first of all understand her dissatisfaction and try to fix it at its cause before it gets out of hand. Women start nagging due to one or more of the following reasons.
To get their way
Few women are bullies, they will nag their way to get a man do their bidding. They employ nagging as a tactic knowing fully well how their man hates it.
Best way to handle this is by psychological approach. Agree on matters only when she is in a happy state. In that way she’ll try as much as possible not to be a nag. Also she is less likely to go against what you both agreed on as her conscience will definitely prick her.
Some women nag on purpose to hurt and punish or avenge something their men did wrong. If they have any grudge, they use nag as a weapon. They will not stop giving their men hell until he apologizes or does it their way.
Calm her, tell her how much her words hurt, apologize to her, and seek her forgiveness or do something that pleases her to make up for your wrong if you are the person at fault.
Reaction to threat
Some women unconsciously put up a nag as a form of self-defense, especially when they feel the man is a threat. They say nagging words to show him she is equal to the task. Men may be physically stronger, but women are more verbally endowed.
Make her to understand that you are on her side, that what you are doing also serves her interest. Also refrain from talking harshly to her.
A feeling of Insecurity
A woman’s feeling of insecurity makes her to automatically nag. She nags to get answers, questions him in a suspicious tone, complains endlessly and demands to know who is on the phone and what every discussion or meeting is about.
Transparency, spend more time with her. Be more open to her, let her go through your phone, introduce all your associates. If indeed you have nothing to hide, then assure her that no-one is competing in your mind to take her place. Body contact and public display of love also faster does the magic.
Many women are naturally impatient. They easily become worried and begin to doubt even themselves with time. This is a form of weakness. Such women tend to put unnecessary pressure on themselves and others around them.
Everyone has a weakness, even you. Sit her down, talk about both of your shortcomings. You can start from yourself. Teach her how to be patient by being patient with her. Do breathing exercise and pray together.
Fear of the Unknown
This is so very common with Nigerian women. One should not blame them though, as it could be as a result of the kind of society we live in. Many women here live in perpetual fear, they worry so much sometimes you may feel they are paranoid. She keeps calling and asking if you are alright. Going round the house to check if all the doors and windows are shut, the kitchen gass properly locked. and complaining at any instance where something is not in place as it should be.
Laugh about her fears with her, down play it, kiss her when she freaks out, pray with her, take her to more relaxed settings often. Teach and encourage her to be positive about life no matter her fears.
There are women who handle their men like a result producing machine instead of being understanding. They nag and mock the man when his plans fail or delay. They always point how other men are more successful and how better they treat their wives.
This woman needs a moment to cool, she needs to be involved in the planning and execution of those plans so that she appreciates why sometimes even the best of plans don’t work out or work out, but not as quickly as wished.
Some women are attention hungry, they nag to get noticed, speak loudly over and over to be focused on.
It is all natural for a woman to want attention, give her attention, make her feel special. You don’t need money to do that. A sweet text, a short phonecall to say hello, surprise dates will take you a long way.
Some women nag because they are in perpetual rivalry or competing with their friends or siblings and others. They want to be like their peers, to ride in that SUV other women ride in, dress in the latest fashion wears and expensive jewelry or live in a similar mansion. They do not want to be left behind, so they complain when they feel they are lagging behind.
Allow her the opportunity to work and fulfill her needs by herself. Give her enough time and space to do just that. By doing that, she would learn to be a better manager and she’ld feel more fulfilled hence the need to compete dies naturally.
Sometimes a woman nags because she has inner resentment, she despises the man and the nag is just an expression of it.
This woman is best handled by having a candid discussion, maybe there is something you as a man are doing or did that still bruises her heart. Trace back to when she started to be nagging and find out what you did wrong, a woman who loves you will not despise you for no reason, know the reason.
Women naturally cope through stress by talking. Stress can make a woman a constant nag. They talk a lot when faced with stress and frustrations. Perhaps life is too hard and she needs someone to talk to and you are the person she trusts and is closest to her.
Give her a listening ear. Be the shoulder she can cry on. Create time to cry with her and at least make an effort to help fix the problem. If the problem is beyond your power, always treasure and reassure her, show her love, give her a massage, take her out to a movie or something of that sort and you will get much positive results.
Low self esteem
Women with low self esteem have higher tendency to nag as they grow older. A woman who looks down on herself feels she is never good enough for her man and he may leave her someday. She may decide to try harder in keeping him by playing the victim card to get sympathy.
Give her confidence. Flatter her and constantly praise her good deeds. Bring out more of her good side, try as much as possible not to criticise her even if she makes mistakes. This would build up her confidence. Problem solved.
As explained earlier above, many women nag because they have poor communication skills, they find it hard to properly articulate and express themselves. Most times they assume a lot too that men should understand perfectly what they desire.
Try to understand her better, listen to her whenever you feel she’s unsatisfied, find time to ask her what she thinks or feels and above all show her love.